What’s Your Beer Profile?

April 7th is National Beer Day, so here’s what you should be drinking based on our very scientific, totally accurate, Beer Personality Test. It’s like a horoscope, but hoppier. You should drink…  
 
… LAGERS if you’re the human embodiment of an Eagles song: easy going, likable, great at parties. Your motto: “This calls for a pizza.” Nothing pairs with the Meat Lover’s Special like an extra cold lager. 
 
… PILSNERS if you’re well-liked, well-traveled, and generally a people-pleaser. You also have a fantastic head of hair, even at the beach. You may or may not be a Golden Retriever. No matter – bottom’s up! 
 
… STOUTS if you have many leather bound books and slay at Tuesday night trivia. You love sunrises, deep conversations, and bagpipes. You are dense and layered, but in a good way. Go ahead, make it a Guinness. 
 
… PORTERS if you love cold-weather, fish n’ chips, and the Queen Mother. You have a Willy Wonka-sized sweet tooth and also happen to work in a factory. God save the queen – and the corner seat at the pub. 
 
… IPAs if you’re bold, adventurous, and loyal. You’ve broken at least 3 bones and your college nickname was “The Tank.” You love Led Zeppelin. You are the extreme version of the jack-of-all-trades. There’s a special aisle at the liquor store for you – and it’s got a billion types of IPAs to choose from. 
 
… WHEAT BEERS if you love WWII history, mustaches, and sauerkraut (#guthealth). You’re a no-nonsense kind of person, but you’ve also won the local lederhosen contest 8 years in a row. You and Wheat Beers – just a coupl’a classics. 
 
… SOURS if you’re eccentric, daring, and once ran a 10k… barefoot. You can recite the periodic table and every word of “Bohemian Rhapsody.” You’re not afraid to try something funky, so get a growler from your local craft brewery and pucker up. 
 
… SAISONS if you like to read Marcel Proust, have a thriving garden, and wear chic overalls without shoes. You remind people of springtime and can toss together a stunning brunch in 20 minutes (seriously, how do you do that?). You probably brewed your own saison in an art shed in a field of wildflowers. 
 
Whatever your beer profile, drink responsibly and pair with good company and good eats (like this grilled cheese or this one). Cheers! 
 
 
 

February Toadscopes

 

Believe it or not, we’ve got a cure for what ails ya. As our Toadiac (see what we did there?) continues, take our February/March predictions and use them to your advantage. It’s written in the stars, after all. Every month we’ll be offering up our Toadscopes to cut through the cosmic fluff and deliver your destiny. Crystals and tea leaves sold separately.